Saturday, August 6, 2011

'Channel' Surfing for the Perfect Sleeping Partner

I feel like I should have to type a disclaimer before this post, a warning label of such. Today once again my brain is a cluttered confusion of fragmented thoughts, feelings, disjointed words and emotions. Planes are taking off in the distance and for a time I watched, wishing I could hop on one heading to destinations unknown. Since I am stranded in Maryland, I sit outside trying to get lost in Springsteen. I see dark clouds rolling in from the distance, rain is definitely on the way. Like the blue sky trying to keep the storms at bay I am doing my best to lock away the erratic mixed up emotions I am feeling so I can put pen to paper and write on the subject I briefly scribbled about last night before heading to bed. Forgive me as I build another wall around ‘crazy’, lock everything away where I no longer feel and allow myself to concentrate on the subject at hand. So if this is not my best piece I apologize…maybe in the future I will re-address the issue.

‘Channel’ Surfing for the Perfect Sleeping Partner

There is this entertaining restaurant and pub called the Irish Channel. My friends helped me discover the wonders and fun of this neighborhood gathering place in Crofton. Every weekend the place is packed with new faces as well as the regulars, together they form an eclectic lively crowd. Televisions overhead play sports programming, bands serenade the dance floor, darts fly and the drinks flow. It is constantly amusing and always fun. I love hanging out at the Channel with my friends, I feel safe, comfortable in my surroundings. I know some people may find this hard to believe but there are nights when I still feel like the ugly duckling trying to fit in a pond of swans. There are times when I believe I don’t ‘fit’ what people expect of me. Where my circle of friends is small and comfortable, my friends are part of a larger group. Through them I am able to meet more people, sit, observe and be a part of the conversations and interactions that encompass me. As I listen I become more at ease with my environment, more importantly I discover more about myself and how similar we all are at the ‘Channel’.

A few weeks back shortly after I posted on Facebook that I was heading to the ‘Channel’ with friends I received a rather odd phone call. An old friend called asking why I was heading there. He had heard that the only reason one goes to the ‘Channel’ was to get drunk and pick up a person of the opposite sex. Somewhat annoyed and angry at him for making that assumption about my friends and me, I defiantly answered, “Not true! Besides why does it matter to you? We are all adults. Sometimes a girl needs to be held, danced with and yes have sex! Which FYI we are there to hang out and have fun, nothing more, period.” After listening to a conversation last night at the ‘Channel’ I wish I could have a do over retort to his declaration of our intent. I would definitely have a much better response to his allegations. A series of exchanges between friends, commentary meant to be funny, spoke volumes of truth if you really understood what was being left unspoken.

What were the assertions that grabbed my attention, registered in my brain as the underlying true motives of the single crowd that heads out to surf for companionship at the ‘Channel’, “I have met plenty of women I could have sex with, not interested. I am still searching for the woman I am willing to let stay for lunch.” Another, “Sex is great but I am searching for a man I want to take a nap with.” Last, “Perfection, really sleeping after sex.” I, the woman who has spent years building walls around my emotions, at times more reinforced than Fort Knox, understood what was being said. I shook my head in agreement.

Yes, I cannot deny, there are some people for one reason or another that are not ready or searching for anything more than sex. However, the overwhelming population ‘hanging out’ are looking for and wanting more. They seek not someone to simply have sex with; they are in a pursuit of someone to ‘sleep’ with. It is easy to go to bed with someone and have sex, it is much harder to wake up next to them and stay. Ultimately we are all searching not for sex but to find the person we are comfortable enough to relax and ‘sleep’ with after the 'fun' is over. Wonderful, is when you reach a point in a relationship when you fall asleep in their arms as you watch television, or read. So at ease with each other you are no longer nervous, you can relax and dream in their embrace.

Let’s face it unless you have set up a video camera to record yourself sleeping no one truly knows the things we do when we sleep or nap. We have all awoken to a drool stain on a pillow a time or two. We have all jolted awake or cried out loud at least once from a bad dream. What woman hasn’t looked in the bathroom mirror and seen the horror of smudged mascara in the morning? We can control nothing when we sleep; not tossing, turning, snoring or drooling. Anything can happen while we slumber. When we fall asleep with someone, we are letting them into our unknown territory. We are trusting them to do us no harm, keep us safe while we are lost to the world around us.

We are all searching for that person, be it a friend, lover for a short time or a lifetime that we can trust enough to fall deeply asleep next to. We seek a person who can make us laugh over the drool stain; tease us about our leg stubble as our bodies are entwined. So at ease, we don’t feel the need to rush to the bathroom to fix our face when we awake, they won’t care. We want to find the person who will brush our hair out of our face, kiss us softly as we dream even when they know we probably can’t feel it, but they simply have the desire to. We long for the person who not only can we get naked in front of, but we can safely bare our souls to while we are in their arms. We can trust them with our secrets, our dreams and even our fears. How do we know when we have found the perfect ‘sleeping’ partner? When they prefer us first thing in the morning, our natural selves, over the illusion they took to bed the night before. When the perfect Sunday or Saturday afternoon is spent dreaming in their arms and we wouldn’t want it any other way.

In a way I guess my friend was correct, we all go to the ‘Channel’ in search of someone to sleep with. Just not the way he thinks.


  1. Denise,
    Wow so true I feel the same way. I have a wall so far up again that it is so hard to let it down. Your words are so how much I feel. Just like you I feel like the an out cast and the ugly duckling.I wish I could say and write down how I feel. This is wonderful and thank you for sharing..

  2. Very well said Denise & I hope you find that special someone whether it's for a lifetime or short-term. You deserve it.

  3. I teared up a bit when I read this as I had that. I had walls up after my husband and i split up and then he passed away' then i met "him" and for 9 wonderful years I had that. And then one day he just...left.. and now he is seeing someone else and I cannot help but wonder is he doing "that" with her now. The lazy rainy days watching bad syfy while eating popcorn in bed? My walls are back up and I am pretty sure will stay that way until I pass away.